Are You in Luxury Limbo?
Escaping the Trap of a purely Luxurious Second Half of Life
The common view is that retirement is a time to enjoy the fruits of years of hard work. Our culture’s message is that an exceptional second half of life is all about consumption. Time to travel in style, purchase a second home, join a fancy golf club.
Nothing wrong with doing any of these things! If you have the money, enjoy it. But living a luxurious life is not all that it’s cracked up to be.
At first, it feels great. You envision all the memorable family gatherings you’ll host in the beautiful second home. You delight in the cruise trip with lavish food and amazing ocean views. You’re gratified when the staff at the golf club know your name, greet you with a smile, and anticipate your wishes.
If you haven’t discovered it already, let me warn you. You are in what I call luxury limbo.
These good feelings soon start to fade. The second home requires a lot of work. And it turns out that the family rarely gets together. The service on the cruise gradually becomes nothing more than what you expect. Golfing several times a week is enjoyable enough—but you find yourself longing for something more.
I watched my father experience something similar when he retired at the age of 65. In those days, people didn’t expect to live into their 80s and 90s. My Dad anticipated a relatively short time horizon, and so my parents traveled extensively, spent summers in the mountains of Highlands, NC, took classes at Senior University, and enjoyed their children and grandchildren. But there was a void in his life.
He had always been a person who found meaning in helping others. From my earliest years, I saw that Dad generously shared his time, talents, and money. But that mostly ended with his working years. Without a conscious effort to seek out new opportunities to serve, Dad deeply missed the joy and satisfaction of making a difference in the lives of others until he died at the age of 86.
No matter how much time I have left, I don’t want to repeat my Dad’s mistake. I want a life filled with meaning and purpose. All the delights and temptations of our consumption culture simply won’t deliver that kind of reward.
Luxury limbo is a trap. You can do better, much better.
You can build engagement, meaning, and purpose into your life. It’s a journey that takes time, attention, and a willingness to try new things, and try again, get knocked down, pick yourself back up, and try again. It doesn’t happen overnight. Progress is made one small step at a time.
Here’s how to get started:
Count Your Riches
Assess your total wealth, not just your money but your time, talents, wisdom, character strengths, and relationships. These are the resources you have to enjoy an exceptional life. Step back and recognize that you have everything you need to build a life of engagement, meaning, and purpose.
Remember Your Passions
What are the things you love to do? Think about the times you’ve been immersed in what you were doing. What made the experience so enjoyable? Love gardening, painting, carpentry, reading, hiking, dancing? Is there a dream from childhood you have deferred? Pursuits that appeal to you?
Consider Your Strengths
Where do you shine in life? Give some thought to the skills that give you great satisfaction. What are you really good at? This is not the time to be modest. Embrace your greatness.
Needs of the World
Our world is hurting in so many ways. When you look around you, what breaks your heart? Do you wish you could help lonely people? Hungry kids? The loss of faith and hope? Something else entirely?
The Sweet Spot
As you consider these questions systematically, what you eventually want is to bring your total wealth to bear at the intersection of what you love, what you are great at doing, and what breaks your heart. Finding your own answers will take time, and some real effort. But the payoff is worth it.
Life is at its best when we are fully engaged, using our unique abilities to do what we love as we help heal a corner of our broken world. Those days are not behind you. You don’t need to settle for luxury limbo.
May the best days of your life be yet to come.
Until our next conversation,
David
I would love to hear your reaction to the process I describe for figuring out what will bring more meaning to life after retirement. Please consider posting your thoughts. Am I overlooking significant strategies? Did any of these steps get you headed in a new direction?
“what you eventually want is to bring your total wealth to bear at the intersection of what you love, what you are great at doing, and what breaks your heart. “ David, this is such a powerful line. I hope to be able to repeat it to many!
David,
Really enjoy the life lessons that you share and have shared them with others. Your admonition about luxury limbo and your Dad echo the very same thoughts expressed by my father-in-law as he looked back at his retirement years. While his retirement has been filled with social interaction and fulfillment, his professional passion and skills were underutilized. Consequently, he felt something missing. He was asked to be on boards of directors, but he often said no if the mission didn’t precisely cover what he thought it should. He now wishes that he’d participated in these opportunities. So, my take on his comments is this: We should be vigilant in evaluating opportunities in retirement ie our encore career and give these a go before dismissing them out of hand.