Big Title, Small Hole
Finding True Relevance When the Corner Office is Gone
I always wanted to do something meaningful. I wanted to be relevant, for my life to matter. But I was confused about my relevance for a long time.
When I was the CEO of an Atlanta boutique wealth management firm, I definitely felt relevant. We had grown the firm from a startup to a valuable enterprise. I had the power to hire and fire. I was instrumental in the firm’s investment process. Clients reaped the rewards of our financial acumen, and my income grew along with our success.
Then I sold my business, and 28 months later, I retired. The trappings of relevance vanished. No longer did I feel powerful and important. No more critical decisions to make. No employees looking to me for leadership. No more fat paychecks.
I thought I would leave a big hole when I retired. I left a small, easy-to-step-over hole!
Did I still matter? Suddenly I felt unsteady, full of doubt. Should I return to work? I quickly realized that wasn’t the answer. But what was the answer? I was in my early sixties, healthy, and had spent my adult life honing my talents, sharpening my skills, and growing my wisdom. I wasn’t ready to throw in the towel.
I gave myself time to think through these uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. Sitting with the uncertainty of not knowing what comes next was excruciating at times, but offered the hope of crafting a more joyous, meaningful life.
The ghosts of my past still haunted me. Childhood memories of being small and weak were annoyingly persistent. I spent much of my life trying to prove my value to myself. I craved recognition. I needed a steady diet of praise to feel good about myself.
When these personal doubts arise now, I remind myself that I am created in God’s image, just like you. We are all inherently valuable. Like all of us, I am perfect just the way I am, and full of flaws, too.
It took me a while, and it was not easy, but I began to realize that some of my ideas about relevance were obsolete. That little boy didn’t need to be tall or athletic to make important contributions. The legacy of my work was not merely measured in dollars amassed; I built a business that provided security for my family and the firm’s employees, and helped many clients through personal struggles.
At this new stage of life, I feel the satisfaction of my professional accomplishments, but my self-worth is bigger than that. I have found fresh perspective. I recognize that my identity should center on who I really am and what matters most to me, not performance or net worth. It’s time to let go of outdated dreams and desires. I am unearthing new ways to contribute to the people in my life and the world around me.
Over the past few years, I have learned that praise and power are fleeting. Nobody will remember me in 150 years. But perhaps the love I give to family and friends—and the positive impact I have on those around me—will create a virtuous cycle of love and hope that lasts for generations.
My cherished relationships matter most to me. I am spending more time with the people I love. Together, we amplify life’s joys and soften life’s unavoidable pain.
I also work hard to share my good fortune through my active philanthropy, through my faith community, through this Wealth & Fulfillment blog. I hope to assist others to connect with their values and wealth to help heal our broken world in their own unique way.
My desire for recognition has not disappeared. The difference is now I am doing a better job of not letting that desire distract me from what matters most.
What is holding you back from letting go of outdated dreams and desires?
Until our next conversation,
David
Small Steps & Worthy Questions
Are you willing to take some time to consider what is missing from your life?
What outdated ambition is holding you back?
What armor are you still wearing from an earlier stage of life?
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If I honestly evaluate my self-worth based on my abilities and accomplishments, I always fall short of perfection. (And what’s the point of a dishonest self-evaluation?)
But if I focus on helping others, I worry less about myself and my inadequacies. Sometimes, all I can do to help others is to receive the help they offer me. But usually, I’m blessed to be the one helping and can forget about status and achievement.