Courage Required
Navigating fear and finding resilience through life's transitions.
I was a nerdy, small kid with glasses in high school. Even though I was a lackadaisical student, I was determined to be a successful trial lawyer.
My challenge was I stuttered, particularly during any type of public speaking. Knowing I needed to learn to speak in public if I was going to be a lawyer, I decided to start a school debate team.
The early going was tough. It took a while to find a teacher to sponsor us; nobody wanted to coach a stuttering debater. My early debates were painful as I often got stuck on words that began with b, p, or d. At times, I just felt humiliated. After watching me struggle, several compassionate judges encouraged me to find another extracurricular activity.
I didn’t quit.
I hated being told I couldn’t do something. I kept at it because I realized that if I wanted to succeed in life, I had to give voice to my perspective in a clear and compelling manner. I got much better. In my freshman year in college, my partner and I advanced to the later rounds of a prestigious national tournament.
I didn’t think of myself as brave, but now I look at those childhood years much differently. Today I embrace FDR’s definition:
“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the assessment that something else is more important than fear.”
I am recently retired. Yet again, I need to summon my courage to build the life I desire. Why? Because retirement is a life transition, and every time I approach a transition, my old fears about failure and losing respect come roaring back.
I worried when I transitioned from law to wealth management, when my brother and I started our business, and when we moved our firm from traditional wealth management to behavioral wealth management–to name a few.
Two things propelled me to overcome my fears. My desire to do something new was more powerful than my fear of failure, and I knew that no matter how badly I failed, I could always get back up and try again.
If you have achieved any level of professional, business, or personal success, my hunch is you can relate to my story. Along the way to success, you faced challenges that initially seemed daunting, maybe insurmountable. You didn’t know what to do. You were afraid of making a mistake, harming someone, embarrassing yourself. But you didn’t give up. You moved ahead because your courage overpowered your fear.
Now that I am in retirement, the risk/reward trade-off of pursuing something new feels different. Feels like I have less to gain and more to lose. Most people who know me consider me a success. If I try something new, will they lose respect for me? I have enough money to live comfortably, maybe even luxuriously. I have more days behind me than in front of me. Is it worth the effort to do something new, to start over as a novice, at this point in life?
I ask myself, “What’s wrong with coasting, resting on your laurels, and living a pleasant life?” Nothing, if that’s what I really want. The challenge for me, and many others, is that resting on my laurels is not very satisfying. I have spent my life growing, learning, and doing something that I think matters. Pleasantly passing the time, waiting to die, without learning new things and contributing to the world seems boring at best.
How do I summon my courage, yet again?
I remind myself that my legacy of success and accomplishment can never be taken away. It’s in the bag. No matter what I do going forward, those successes belong to me.
I remind myself how good it feels when I am learning and growing while using my talents, wisdom, and creativity. I gratefully remind myself that I still have the ability to have an impact on those around me. I can strive to build an exceptional life at the intersection of my passions, capabilities, and the needs of the world.
I promise that you, like me, can summon the courage to move toward your fullest potential. You have overcome difficulties before. You still have the strength to overcome your fears.
Will you stumble and fall as you embrace this new opportunity? Absolutely. That is part of the process. Just as you have done before, get back up, dust yourself off, and try again.
Time is life, and no matter how long you live, life is short. Don’t let your fears hold you back from living your best life.
Until our next conversation,
David
Small Steps & Worthy Questions
Boost Your Confidence
Recall a prior experience where you faced a big challenge and succeeded despite your initial fears. How did you succeed? How did you overcome your initial fears?
Imagine the Worst
What is the worst case scenario if you try something new? Could you recover from it? What might you learn? What would you do next?
Consider the Upside
What emotional, intellectual, or spiritual benefits might this new endeavor offer? Would it add meaning or purpose to your life?
Redefine Success
Has your definition of success evolved? Is it about growth, contribution, joy, or impact?