Over My Dead Body!
What started as a simple cookie sale became a powerful lesson in family, boundaries, and generosity.
Our 7-year-old granddaughter, Olivia, is a Girl Scout for the first time, and cookie season had arrived. When my wife, Heidi, and I were visiting recently on a Sunday afternoon, Olivia asked,
“Poppy and Savta (the Hebrew word for grandmother), would you buy some Girl Scout cookies?”
“Absolutely,” I said. “We would love to buy 90 boxes.”
At $6 a box, I had just committed to purchasing $540 worth of cookies. My daughter, Rachel, looked at me with a mix of bewilderment and irritation. She replied:
“Over my dead body! Olivia is not going to be someone who wins the prize because she has a grandfather who spoils her. Absolutely not.”
I replied, “What if I told you that we want to take Olivia with us as we deliver 30 boxes each to the Atlanta Food Bank and two charities that serve the homeless? My hope is that Olivia will start to understand how fortunate our family is—and that helping others is a Geller family value.”
Rachel said, “If that’s the plan, you can buy the 90 boxes.”
Heidi and I are grandparents, not parents. Our role is to support our children as they raise their own kids. Although our intention—to donate the cookies to charity—was carefully considered, I should have discussed the plan with Rachel before making the offer. She may have had different ideas about how to use the Girl Scout cookie experience to benefit Olivia. Without her consent, I risked derailing her approach, undermining her authority, or putting Rachel and her husband, Felipe, in an awkward position.
Fortunately, Rachel wasn’t shy about setting a boundary. And once she understood our motive, she embraced the plan. Still, the experience reminded me that even with the best intentions, communication and consent matter.
Our outing with Olivia to deliver the cookies went well. She saw firsthand that some families struggle to get enough food, and that some children don’t have a safe place to sleep. At one shelter, she drew a picture and taped it to the wall of a couple’s room, hoping to brighten their day. She got a small taste of what it feels like to make a difference.
One experience won’t be enough, of course. Like all of us, Olivia lives in a culture that falsely teaches that our responsibility ends with our own family—and that happiness is found in what money can buy. If those messages go unchallenged, they can take root.
This cookie outing was just one step in a lifelong process. We modeled a belief that all people are precious—that all people matter. As grandparents, Heidi and I—with the blessing of her parents—want to reinforce the message that being part of our family means using our time, money, and talents to help others. We showed Olivia that generosity is a Geller family value that spans generations.
Working together with Rachel and Felipe, Heidi and I play an important role in helping to raise Olivia and her younger sister, Hailey. Knowing that multiple people love you and care for you is a good thing. Rachel and Felipe lead busy lives—juggling work, home, and parenting. We help fill in the gaps. We care for our grandchildren regularly, giving their parents a much-needed break.
And our initial disagreement over buying 90 boxes gave Olivia something else: exposure to a model for navigating conflict. She is learning that family disagreements are a normal part of life. When they arise, she sees her parents and grandparents resolving them with candor, respect, and love. She begins to understand that it’s okay to disagree—and that love is never in doubt.
What started as a simple idea to buy cookies from my granddaughter and give them to those in need turned into a life lesson not just for Olivia but also for me. Family is at the center of my life, as it is for most of us. And family is complicated.
Until our next conversation,
David
Small Steps & Worthy Questions
Do you let your children know that you recognize they are in charge of their kids? Ask if there’s anything they’d like you to do differently next time you babysit. Give some thought to how you can be supportive without interfering.
When disagreements arise with your adult children, respond with curiosity, not control. Listen first instead of leading with your opinion. Maybe even take some time to consider their perspective before you respond.
Identify three family values you hope to pass on. Choose one and take a small action this week to reinforce it. Do you model your values for the next generation?
Involve your grandchildren in age-appropriate acts of generosity: donating food, helping a neighbor, contributing money for people in need.
Write a short note to your children or grandchildren expressing what you admire in them. It can go a long way.
I love all of this!
As a passionate girl scout (and top cookie seller in my day), and later a troop leader for my own daughter, I absolutely love this story. While the cookie sale raises funds for troops (and scholarship funds for girl scout camp and other outings), it also is an opportunity to learn about values, meet your neighbors, practice public speaking, and acquire entrepreneurial skills. What a lovely way to support her cookie sales, make the most of a teachable moment, and infuse some delight into a community. And A+ for your own learning and reflection along the way too.