The Cost of Fear
It's time to find "A New Hope" for your finances
When my son Daniel was in high school, he brought up the movie Star Wars and how The Force ran deep in the Skywalker family. Then he said: “Anxiety runs deep in the Geller family.”
Even to a teenager, it was clear. We belong to an anxious family. It’s hard to escape your family heritage. Especially when it comes to financial matters.
When I retired, intellectually I knew that I had enough money to live comfortably, with some luxurious moments, and leave my kids a nice inheritance. I had an ample plenty.
But I didn’t feel like I did. I worried about the future.
What if I live longer than I expect?
What if the market crashes?
What if my kids or grandkids need help?
What if…
All this worrying made me hesitant to spend. Not just on indulgences or luxuries, but on things that would bring me deep joy—gifts to people and causes I love or shared experiences with my family.
These fears impact my entire being. My confidence wanes. My body tenses up. I find it harder to connect with my soul. I get angry about not being able to live on my terms. Sadness inevitably follows.
But here’s the lesson I learned over many years of growing my clients’ fortunes, and my own. Until Heidi and I use our money, its only value is the comfort we feel knowing it is a storehouse that we can access when needed. Of course we are grateful to have enough money to support us for the rest of our lives, with a reasonable cushion for unexpected hard times.
Holding onto money beyond that threshold doesn’t really calm my fears! No matter how much I have, I still fall into the trap of thinking more money means more security and less money means more vulnerability. This mindset keeps me stuck. I defer joy. I postpone generosity. I tell myself we will spend or give more later, when I feel more confident I won’t ever need it.
“Later” has a way of never arriving.
Money is a tool that blossoms in value the moment we start to use it, spend it, or give it away. It grows even more valuable when our spending is aligned with our priorities to live generously with kindness, hope, and love. To share a great meal with close friends, to send flowers to a friend having a tough time, to express gratitude to the multitude of people who make our lives better.
Financial security and financial freedom are not the same thing. The first is about having enough. The second is about feeling like you have enough. And while security is a matter of math, freedom is a matter of the soul.
If I fearfully hold onto my money too tightly, I’ll be left with a different kind of poverty—a deep regret over what I could have done during my lifetime.
The meals I didn’t host.
The charities I didn’t support.
The family moments I didn’t create.
All because I was afraid of an unknown future.
And even though I know I can afford to spend or give more today, the fear still sneaks in. I continue to wrestle with it. But I’m learning that fulfillment doesn’t come from accumulation—it comes from courageous generosity.
Until our next conversation,
David
If this topic resonates with you, I hope you’ll share the blog with someone in your life who would appreciate the information. I find that talking over these financial fears is enormously helpful.
Small Steps & Worthy Questions
Here are a few simple (but not always easy) ways to start shifting from fear toward fulfillment.
Name the Fear
Write down exactly what you’re afraid of. Be specific. Is it running out of money? Becoming a burden? Losing status? Sometimes, just naming the fear takes away some of its power.
Do the Math
Run the numbers on what you have saved and how much you spend. Get a second opinion if it helps. But once you’ve confirmed you’re okay, stop checking obsessively. Too much analysis can become a cage.
Create a “Meaning Budget”
Set aside a fixed amount each year for spending or giving that brings you joy. It could be $5,000 or $50,000. What matters is that it’s earmarked for joy and impact, not guilt or obligation.
Start Small
Make a $100 gift to a cause that matters to you. Take your family out for a surprise adventure. See how it feels to use your money this way. Joy, like fear, is contagious.Tell the Story
Share with someone why you spent or gave the money, what it meant, or how it felt. Stories reinforce meaning—and remind us that we’re not just spending, we’re expressing our values.Imagine Regret
Picture yourself at the age of 95 with more money than you need, and wishing you had done more to express love, purpose, and gratitude. Let that imagined regret nudge you toward action today.Talk About It
Fear thrives in silence. Have conversations—with a spouse, advisor, friend, or journal—about your fears and dreams. Meaningful dialogue can shrink your fears down to size.
Emerson said, "We are rich only through what we give, and poor only through what we refuse." Scarcity mentality always needs more; abundance mentality looks for ways to share. Fear is useful only when it prods us to necessary action. Most of your readers have an abundance of financial resources and don't need to live in fear. Excellent advice, as always.