The Day I Gave Myself Permission

Breaking free from the "shoulds" of childhood rules to embrace the joy of the present.

Sometimes I struggle with how to spend my time. It’s easy to think about “should-do” tasks morning, noon, and night. It’s hard for me to get in touch with what I really want to be doing. Harder still to do what I want and let the “shoulds” fall by the wayside.

When I do take action on my heartfelt desires, my inner critic attacks me for wasting my time, wasting my money, wasting this precious gift of life.

I love driving a convertible. Been fantasizing about buying a luxury sports convertible for over a year. I have the money. The problem is I felt guilty every time I imagined buying the convertible.

I was caught in limbo: wanting the convertible and not giving myself permission to buy it.

Why was I torturing myself?

I grew up in a family with both spoken and unspoken rules about almost everything.

Always do your best, and doing your best meant working really hard. Use your gifts to make the world better. Be kind and compassionate. Protect and defend your siblings. They are your only lifetime relationship. Always save for a rainy day. Don’t waste money on frivolous things. Those family rules are ingrained deep in my psyche.

I am always grateful to be the son of Andy and Nancy Geller. I am proud of my parents and their rules are generally good ones.

At important decision points in my life, my impulse is to follow my childhood family rules, to do what I “should” do. When I act on that impulse, I don’t give myself the opportunity to consider and do what I want to do

I forfeit my freedom to choose how to live my life.

I purchased a plug-in hybrid Volvo sedan less than 3 years ago. Trading in a perfectly good environmentally friendly car for an all gas convertible seemed frivolous. When the sports car desire arose, I squelched it and told myself keeping the Volvo was the “right” thing to do.

The “shoulds” from my parents overrode my wants.

With the encouragement of my wife and friends, I eventually woke up to a sobering truth: time is short, and I don’t want to keep postponing joy. I have worked hard and acted responsibly my whole life. My soul craved more fun, more woo-hoo moments.

I bought a beautiful blue BMW convertible.

I love the thrill of driving with the top down. Even more, I love that I gave myself permission to do what I really wanted. That is the key. Allowing myself the space to discover what I want, and trusting my soul’s desire. It takes time and consistent effort. None of this is easy.

My inner voice, has a lot of wisdom to offer me. I just need to trust myself enough to sense into what it is telling me, and to trust its guidance.

What about you? Where in your life are you following the “shoulds” when your heart is quietly asking for something else?

Until our next conversation,

David

Small Steps & Worthy Questions

1. I imagine that your family also had spoken and unspoken rules. What were some of the most notable?

2. Give some thought to which of those childhood messages are helpful. Which ones need to be modified or just thrown out?

3. How might your life be different if you trusted your own inner voice more often?

4. Does anyone in your life encourage you to listen to your inner wisdom and ignore the “shoulds”? Consider getting more support from those people

---

If you love this, share it with your friends, foes, and even perfect strangers. Let’s change the way America thinks about money.

LinkedIn | Facebook | Instagram | X / Twitter | Bluesky