The Wealth That Gets Us Through
Why your bank account can’t fix a broken heart—and the inner wealth that actually can.
I have several close friends who are struggling. Some are battling life-threatening health issues. Others are struggling with family challenges: aging parents who need support and refuse to accept it, the sudden, tragic death of a sibling, political angst driving relatives apart.
My heart aches for my friends. I want to help them. Not at all sure what to do. They don’t need financial assistance. Words of comfort seem inadequate. Platitudes like “everything happens for a reason”, or “you will get through this” are insensitive and tone deaf.
I love my friends; I can’t just sit around doing nothing. I’ve discovered that not only are they grateful for the compassion, comfort, and support I offer, but I also receive immeasurable benefits that remind me of the inner wealth I possess.
I spend time with them. Instead of assuming what they want from me, I sometimes ask if they want to be hugged, heard, or helped. I use my talent of being a good listener. When they want to talk, I give them my undivided attention. Periodically I summarize both the content and the emotion of what I heard. I want them to know I am with them, body, heart, and soul.
As a wealth manager, I developed the skill to help people think through difficult decisions and figure out the right answer for them. I use that skill to help my friends:
Accept what I call Realities To Face (RTF)
Focus their time and attention on Problems To Solve (PTS)
Allow themselves to feel their fear, anger, and sadness, with a loving and compassionate heart.
If they need professional assistance, I use my network to help them find the right person or company.
As I help my friends, they help me. Helping people I love is deeply rewarding. I can’t make their problems vanish; I can ease their burden, if only for a while.
They show me how life can be beautiful and meaningful, even when it is incredibly difficult. As a man who didn’t shed a tear for almost four decades, they show me the sweet side of sadness. Their courage in the face of pain and fear encourage me to embrace my life as it is instead of wishing it was different.
Their tough times help me to accept on a visceral level that I, too, will experience hard times. I comfort myself that we get through hard times with the love and support of our closest relationships, and with our internal reservoirs of strength.
I occasionally use my money to help friends. I may send a small gift, or invite them to spend time with Heidi and me at a home we rented for a few days. Mostly, my money just isn’t helpful. Money is only good at buying things money can buy, and what they need can’t be bought with money.
All this leaves me wondering why I reflexively think of money as the most valuable aspect of my true wealth, which includes not just my money but my inner wealth. Am I buying into the mistaken belief that life continually gets better as your financial wealth grows? I somehow forget Einstein’s quip:
Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts.
Truth is, I feel safe, even invincible, knowing I have enough money to provide for my family. Of course, that is delusional as my friend’s struggles demonstrate.
When times are tough we often get knocked off our feet in a tidal wave of fear, despair, and sadness. That is just how life is. When the tidal wave passes, we have the chance to love each other.
How have you navigated the tough times? How have you helped loved ones navigate their own challenges?
Until our next conversation,
David
Small Steps & Worthy Questions
Ask a struggling friend: Do you want to be hugged, heard, or helped?
What forms of inner wealth do you rely on in hard times?
Journal about a time when hardship revealed unexpected beauty or connection. Name three forms of your inner wealth that you could share today.
Who in your life has shown you the sweet side of sadness?
If you love this, share it with your friends, foes, and even perfect strangers. Let’s change the way America thinks about money.
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