Travel Lighter: Releasing Old "Success" Habits
Navigating the joy and jolt of life after work.
Being retired has been a joy and a jolt. A joy to celebrate a career that gave me so much, and to savor my free time and consider what comes next. A jolt to stop striving, to lost earned income, to no longer be part of a team.
I feel good about how far I’ve come in three years since retirement. I don’t think much about my former company. I have grown comfortable living off my investments. My days are filled with family and friends, growing spiritually, writing Wealth & Fulfillment, and living a healthy lifestyle.
Even with this progress, my transition is not complete. I struggle disconnecting from the chatter in my head–old success messages that once served me well. Messages like work harder than everyone else, don’t waste time letting your mind wander, avoid controversial positions that might upset clients, be vigilant against any potential threats, if it’s valuable then it must be costly.
My life has changed. Yet I have to keep reminding myself that I’m not working, I’m not responsible for employees, I’m not the largest shareholder of a $1 billion asset management firm.
I don’t have client-friends. I just have friends. I don’t need to prove myself and add value. I am worthy just the way I am.
These old beliefs, once helpful, have morphed into stumbling blocks in building my new life.
I don’t want to work hard. I want to spend time with loved ones, live a healthy life, and connect with the quiet voice inside of me.
I don’t want to focus incessantly. I want to let my mind wander and see what I discover.
I don’t want to be hypervigilant. I prefer to look for the abundant good in the world.
I don’t want to be indispensable. I want to be loved for who I am, not what I can do.
I don’t want to use money as a measuring stick. Much of what I value the most is free-- the love of friends and family, nature’s beauty and calming effect, the pleasure of sharing empathy and a smile with strangers.
My old messages are annoyingly sticky. They have been in my head for almost 40 years. I feel uneasy giving them up. Am I sure they no longer work for me? Will I be OK without them? It feels a bit like turning my back on an old friend. After all, they helped me become the man I am today.
I want to put them behind me with a loving heart. Acknowledge how much they helped me, cultivate gratitude for having them, and recognize they no longer serve me. I plan to buy a wooden box, decorate it, write each old message on its own piece of paper, and place the messages in the box. Invite some friends to join me as I bury the box–saying goodbye and offering thanks to my longtime companions.
I’ll replace them with new messages, aligned with my new life, with the life my soul desires. Here are the ones I am focusing on now.
Embrace My Faith
Build my life around the wisdom of the sages, practices to cultivate gratitude and connection, and acts of loving kindness to help people in need.
Value Quiet and Stillness
Connect with the wisdom inside of me.
Express My Love
Nurture my closest relationships; treat strangers with love, empathy and a smile.
Be Generous
Feel the joy of sharing my abundance.
Notice The Beauty
I am surrounded by so much ordinary beauty–the sun shining, a stranger’s smile, a toddler learning to walk, two friends having coffee.
Recognize My Value
I am created in the image of God, just like you.
My inner voice is powerful. It is with me all the time. I am learning that for me to build the life I want, sometimes my voice needs to change its tune.
Do you need to say goodbye to some old success messages, and welcome new ones into your life?
Until our next conversation,
David
Small Steps & Worthy Questions
Think about the life you want to live going forward. How is it different from the life you wanted as a young adult?
What success messages helped you become who you are today? Are any of them holding you back from the person you hope to become?
What messages does your soul long to hear?
If you love this, share it with your friends, foes, and even perfect strangers. Let’s change the way America thinks about money.
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Thank you for this gentle reminder to graciously let go of our old persona and lovingly embrace the new.
this was really interesting to read from the perspective of someone mid-way through her career. I often have clients who want to 'retire early' when in fact what I think most really want is the freedom from many of the voices in our heads -- "do more" "prove yourself" etc -- and the freedom to do whatever we please.
but this was a great reminder that retirement doesn't automatically create cognitive and emotional freedom -- you have to actively generate it just like David is.