Gratitude That Empowers
Beyond "What I Have": A New Approach to Gratitude That Energizes & Empowers
True confession: For a long time, I struggled with being grateful.
The scholars of positive psychology extol the virtues of a regular gratitude practice, so I tried to incorporate into my life a daily journal entry or meditation about what I felt grateful for. I just couldn’t seem to keep it up.
I recognize the importance of gratitude. Without a deep sense of gratitude, living a meaningful, happy life is elusive at best—maybe impossible.
Almost everyone who knows me describes me as disciplined. It’s one of my signature strengths! So why is it so hard to consistently remind myself of my abundance of good fortune?
Honestly, I found it boring.
It was the same list, day after day. I was grateful to be the son of Andy and Nancy Geller, grateful to be married to Heidi, grateful that my children and grandchildren are thriving, grateful for my financial nest egg, grateful for my health, grateful for my faith, etc.
All of those things matter deeply to me. But when I wrote that list for the fifth day in a row, my mind wandered. The grateful feelings didn’t sink in. And then I’d end up feeling guilty for not feeling more grateful.
There had to be a better way.
I think I found it! I started a new gratitude practice that I do almost every day. To my amazement, even after six months, I still find it engaging and energizing.
Instead of focusing on what I have—my home, my health, my faith—I started focusing on the inner resources that help me live my best life:
My creative spark.
My strong desire to see others as unique, valuable beings created in God’s image.
I can’t control when life’s challenges come my way. I can choose how I respond to them.
My resilience when discouraged or disheartened.
My capacity to keep from being swallowed by the avalanche of bad news.
My ability to navigate tough times successfully.
This simple shift—from gratitude for what I have to gratitude for who I am—transformed my practice into something that empowers me to build a life filled with love, joy, and meaning.
It’s like a compass that keeps me moving toward the life I want.
It drives me to show up for the people I love. Every day, I express my love to Heidi and let her know she’s the best wife ever. (Apologies to all the other wives out there.)
It drives me to see myself—and everyone else—as unique and valuable. It spurs my effort to greet friends and strangers with a smile, a kind word, and genuine curiosity.
Truth is, hidden in my previous gratitude practice was a trigger for a vulnerability of mine.
When I focused on what I had, I felt both grateful–and fearful of losing it. I wanted to hold tightly to all that I had—an impossible task. As I grow older, I will inevitably deal with losses: my vitality, old friends, favorite activities I can no longer do.
But when I focus on my capabilities, I feel empowered and energized to use my time, talents, wisdom, skills, persistence, and creativity to make a meaningful difference in the world around me.
It’s time to make hay while the sun is shining.
My new gratitude practice grounds me. It reminds me that I have choices—that I can respond to life’s challenges with strength, courage, and grace. That I can be joyful and loving even when the world feels heavy.
My old gratitude was backward-looking: thankful for what I had built.
My new gratitude is forward-looking: excited about what I can create.
This kind of gratitude doesn’t fade. It grows stronger with time. It helps me become who I am meant to be.
Until our next conversation,
David
Small Steps & Worthy Questions
Shift Your Focus
This week, try listing three inner qualities you’re grateful for.
Daily One-Liner
Each morning, write a one-sentence affirmation about a strength you want to use that day ( “Today I will use my creativity to solve a problem.”)
Celebrate a Small Win
What matters most to you? Is it your health, your closest relationships, your ability to do what you love? Do you have a sense of meaning and purpose? All of the above? How would you score your satisfaction in each of those areas?
Gratitude Walk
Take a 10-minute walk this week while reflecting on your inner gifts.
You have told me before you keep a feelings journal. For people like me, who often have a hard time connecting to their feelings, I think it is such a good idea. Really like you tie the feeling to what you were doing and why. I have been working on trying to sense into what I want to do and then doing it. I’m not sure, but feels like that approach and the feeling journal would go well together.
I love that you are doing daily meditations that help you appreciate the now (all that we have) and future possibilities (often more than I initially thought). I have been mediating, journaling, or praying every day for the last 8+ years. It has made a huge difference in my life.