Let’s Change the Way America Thinks About Money
My vision is to change the way America thinks about money so that people shift their perspective about what really matters and discover more meaningful, joyful and fulfilling lives.
Money is a tool. Nothing more, nothing less. Money is really good at buying the things money can buy, and terrible at buying the things money can’t buy. Money can buy stuff, services, and experiences. It can’t buy what makes life exceptional. It can’t buy love, faith, hope, meaning, integrity, resilience, persistence, or a sense of purpose.
If you have a problem that can be solved with money, and you have the money, spend it! If you try to use your money to buy something that money won’t buy, you will make your life worse.
Money is neither good or evil. In the right hands, money can help solve some of our world’s most pressing problems. In the wrong hands, money can create havoc, suffering, and division.
When we understand money is just a tool, our perspective starts to shift.
A successful person becomes someone who earns enough money to provide a comfortable lifestyle for their family, participates in a regular program of self-care, has loving, vulnerable, supportive relationships, engages in activities they find deeply fulfilling, and makes a positive difference in the lives of others.
We realize the diminishing value of each additional dollar as our net worth grows. We understand that once you have enough money to satisfy your family’s needs, you have enough. When you have sufficient dollars to satisfy your needs and wants, you have an ample plenty. When you have enough money to satisfy your needs, wants, and wishes, you have an abundance of riches.
Once you have enough money to meet your needs and most of your wants, additional money is of little value until you find some way to spend it that gives you either joy or meaning.
When we realize that money’s usefulness is limited, it dawns on us that our wealth includes all the resources we have to build a fulfilling life. Those resources include our time, talents, wisdom, character strengths, personal relationships, business relationships, body and mind, and of course, our money.
And then we realize that our non-financial wealth is far more powerful and useful than our money.
Our world view starts to change.
We start to understand that working incessantly, at the expense of our most important relationships, to earn money we don’t need and may not have a use for, makes little sense.
We may start to think differently about our children, the lives we hope they will build for themselves, and how we want to support them in that journey. For those with an ample plenty, we may start to wonder if ongoing financial support inadvertently diminishes their non-financial wealth. At what point do our financial gifts harm more than help?
We may accept the truth that vulnerability is part of the human condition, and no amount of money can protect us from life’s inevitable hardships. Money can’t make us immortal. It can’t prevent us or someone we love from being diagnosed with a serious, even life-threatening, illness. Even the best medical care money can buy can’t cure many diseases.
How do we deal with these frightening feelings? We accept that we are always vulnerable. We do our best to reasonably protect ourselves against risks, and we focus on building loving and supportive relationships with family and friends to help us survive during challenging times.
When we stop idolizing money, we acknowledge money can complicate our life. Money can’t insulate us from personal conflicts. In fact, money may exacerbate family tensions. Disputes between family members of ultra-high net worth families are legendary.
Money can’t prevent us from having a crisis of personal confidence. For those who have been taken care of their entire life, a crisis of confidence is always looming, maybe inevitable.
When we stop believing that money is what makes us successful and worthwhile, our perspective broadens. We are no longer in an endless competition to have more or be more than the next person. We start to realize treating others with integrity, kindness, empathy, and compassion is not only the right thing to do, it makes our life better. Our relationships start to improve. We feel more secure, knowing that in difficult times we are not alone. We can rely on the love and support of our friends, our neighbors, and our community.
We become more generous, willing to spend our time, talents, and money to make a difference in the world. We discover that making a difference is personally rewarding. As we engage directly with those who are struggling, our empathy and compassion grows. We become more grateful for our good fortune.
Over time, we may even start to understand the paradox of being a unique, separate individual who is inexorably entwined with all other living things. This leads to understanding that to a large extent, we all rise and fall together.
False Beliefs Around Happiness
Our culture tells us that we can buy happiness. All we need is a new sports car, a trip to Europe, a family beach vacation, or an expensive piece of jewelry. It’s a simple equation: Earn more money + buy more things = you will be happier.
Simple -- and dead wrong.
Many Americans with enough money to meet their needs and some of their wants believe that more money would make their problems disappear. That never happens. For most people, as income grows, so does the lifestyle. Each new purchase provides a jolt of excitement that quickly fades and is soon replaced with longing for the next great thing, always wishing for more.
Who is truly wealthy? The people who are content with what they have.
Our culture tells us money is how you keep score, implying that we are all in a great race to have the most money. This distracts us from what matters, encourages us to focus on building our wealth, and leaves us chasing an illusion.
This is a race that can’t be won! There will always be someone with more money. Even more important is that this misunderstanding distracts many from what will make their lives meaningful and joyful.
An exaggerated belief in the power of money leads many to undervalue their non- financial wealth. They overlook the value of their talents and personal and business relationships. They underestimate the power of their intelligence, compassion, empathy, and wisdom. They forget that time, not money, is their most precious and valuable resource.
With a diminished view of their own capacities, their self-confidence naturally wanes. For fear of failure and disappointment, they settle for a good-enough life, reluctant to dream and strive for a life that would be deeply satisfying.
Money can give people a false sense of security, even invincibility. Financially wealthy people may believe they can purchase anything they need -- the best medical care, the best legal advice, the best personal protection, the best insurance -- to keep them and their family safe.
The problem is we never feel secure. We almost never have enough money because we never know what threat the future holds. No matter how much we try to deny it, we know that everyone is vulnerable.
When we define our security purely in financial terms, we end up spending too much time focusing on potential threats, and not enough time focusing on life-giving opportunities.
We All Rise Together
The more we buy into all these false beliefs around money, the tighter we grip our money and the less charitable we become. Nobody wants to feel like a miser; to avoid feeling guilty for not doing more, we may blame those in need for their hardships and struggles. We cultivate beliefs that others need to work more diligently or that they want to deprive us of our hard-earned wealth.
The exaggerated value we place on money may begin to make us feel separate -- and superior -- to others who have less money. Our empathy and compassion for others wanes. We tell ourselves that our moral responsibility only requires that we care for ourselves and our loved ones.
We lose sight of the fact that humans are like redwood trees. Scientists have learned that these trees grow best in groups, sharing water, fighting off pest infestations and disease, combining resources. We, too, grow best in groups. Each of us appears to be an independent being, but our root systems are intertwined We also flourish when we rely on our connections to each other. Choosing separation instead of connection, we blind ourselves to opportunities that create joy and meaning in our lives. Offering a helping hand to those in need -- especially when working together in community with people who share our values -- can transform our lives and help heal our broken world.
The Path Forward
Our vision is to change the way America thinks about money so that people shift their perspective about what really matters and discover more meaningful, joyful, and fulfilling lives. We face significant head winds and obstacles. The journey is long.
We can’t do this alone. We must join with others as we strive to build a life of meaning and connection. We need a community.
Some would say that our decreased involvement in institutions such as churches and synagogues, civic organizations like the Rotary Club and the local garden group, the United Way and even the bowling league has left many people lonely and unmoored. For me, deep involvement with the members of my synagogue is an indispensable part of life. I believe that we all must define for ourselves what kind of community will provide a sense of belonging and support.
A community regularly reminds us that we, and everyone we meet, are inherently valuable beings with an immense capacity for love, engagement, and purpose. It reinforces the belief that each of us can be a positive force in the world, despite our flaws. We all deserve empathy, compassion, and forgiveness.
Ideally, this is a community that supports us as we grow into the people we are capable of becoming. It encourages us to build stronger bonds with our partners, children, families and friends. It is where we find help so that we can reflect on what is holding us back from living our best life. These helpful people can empower us to take risks, knowing that if we fail, we will be held in a net of compassion and emotional support. Hopefully, this is a community whose members work together to help heal our broken world -- to fight poverty, to expand opportunity, to advocate for justice, to protect democracy and to see the humanity in each and every person.
Small Steps
All lasting progress is made one small step at a time. Most often, we take two or three steps forward, and one step back. Change is hard. Thinking differently is hard. Separating ourselves from the culture’s mistaken beliefs around money, success, self- worth, and security is hard. Really hard.
The first step is often the most difficult. Look for opportunities to connect with others in a caring community. You might poke your head in at your local church, synagogue, or mosque. If you are not religious, consider connecting with a local charity whose mission you support. Maybe you invite a group of friends to meet and talk about what really matters in life, and what doesn’t.
Look for the chance to engage in a small act of connection. Extend kindness or generosity to someone. Notice how you feel. Try again.
If these steps seem too difficult, or irrelevant to your life, here’s another idea. Subscribe to my blog as we build a community of people who are striving to overcome the culture’s mistaken money messages and lead more fulfilling lives.